


Emergency Repairs

by lost_spook



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, Request Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 05:10:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4007092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_spook/pseuds/lost_spook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kryten and Rimmer and maybe-almost-certain doom.  So, just another day, then...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Emergency Repairs

**Author's Note:**

> Written for aralias in an LJ meme, from the prompt "falling down" + Rimmer & Kryten.

Between them, Rimmer and Kryten were in a more than usually bad state. It had turned out that something on the deserted space station didn’t mesh well with either Kryten’s circuits or Rimmer’s holo-technology, especially in hard-light form. The Cat and Lister, unaffected, had stayed to scavenge for supplies. (Cat had spotted a wardrobe and Lister was hunting for curry. At this stage, he’d take even a chicken korma.)

“Kryten,” said Rimmer, “stop lying gibbering there on the floor and give me a hand or we’ll never get back to Star Bug!”

Kryten hopped nearer. “I would if I could, sir, but I’m afraid that I now seem to be minus both my arms as well as my left leg. I can’t possibly spare a hand, although if you insist –”

“You think you’ve got problems,” said Rimmer. “My legs are completely different lengths and I’m wearing a blond wig and a smegging ball gown, so get up, you miserable mechanoid and start making use of yourself as a walking stick.”

“Yes, sir,” said Kryten. “Sorry, sir. Just – oh, do excuse me, Mr Rimmer, sir, but my right eye seems to have just popped out. Oh, my goodness. Is this what they call double vision?”

Rimmer watched the eye bounce around the metallic floor. “Yes, Kryten, you moron, I had noticed. Now, remember your priorities – the safety of the superior officer here. Namely, _me_.”

Together, they hopped unevenly right into the nearest wall.

“Smeg,” said Rimmer, lying partway through the floor, and sighed. “We’re doomed, aren’t we? _Again_. We couldn’t be more doomed if we were the smegging Titanic saying good evening to an iceberg.”

Kryten paused before replying, and then said, brightly, “Nonsense, sir! We just need to hop faster!”

“Completely smegging doomed,” said Rimmer. “Oh, God, whose arm is this? It’s not mine! It’s green! Somebody get it off me!”

“Sorry, sir,” Kryten said, using the wall to pull himself back up and ignoring the loss of several small screws in the process. “Oh, dear. I think my lie mode is also malfunctioning.”

Rimmer looked up. “I knew it. We’re done for.” Strangely enough, the thought made him feel much better. After all, it was never as alarming as when things started going _right_ , was it?


End file.
